FORGIVE YOURSELF

[1]Many of us know that forgiveness is a good thing, right? It frees us from bitterness and anger, two emotions that not only don’t feel good, but can also disrupt our physical & spiritual health and may hold us back from all the good we might achieve and experience. Many of us are working on forgiving others. But what about forgiving ourselves?

In biblical times, leprosy was thought to be a punishment for sin. While the disease itself was not generally fatal, lepers were separated from their families and communal life, because of the community’s perception that the disease was very contagious. So, lepers would feel, not only unclean in body, but in soul for some sin they, or their ancestors, had committed.

In many of the New Testament healing stories, it’s the faith of the one who is seeking a healing—or when others asked for them—that enables Jesus to evoke and/or affirm the healing. In this today’s narrative, Jesus is portrayed as one who fulfills the law of Moses. By sending the healed person to the priest, Jesus works to incorporate the afflicted back into the community.[2] As wonderful as the bodily healing is, there’s still the need of the soul, being freed of the perceived sin, by the priest, for their restoration into family and community relationships.

When we participate in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, our belief that we will be healed, allows us to ask for and receive forgiveness. "Forgiveness means letting go of the past." ~Gerald Jampolsky. When we try to forgive ourselves, we’re trying to release something that feels like it is part of us. We’re releasing who we were in the moment and whatever we did. We’re releasing a part of our past that isn’t essentially who we are—unless we’ve told the story of that hurt so frequently, we’ve built it into our very identity. In this case, it becomes hard to forgive the other person because the transgression and our reaction have become central to how we define ourselves.

Francois de La Rochefoucauld says, "One forgives to the degree that one loves." When we really love someone, isn’t it easier to forgive them? Many of us don’t have a loving, trusting relationship with ourselves. Many of us are much more critical with ourselves than we are of others. We’ll give other people the benefit of the doubt, but won’t cut ourselves any slack at all. When we’re dealing with a person we don’t trust or like, most often we can choose to forgive, release the hurt, and simply not maintain contact with them anymore. With ourselves, this is not an option.[3] We can’t stop being in relationship with ourselves. 

Time and again, Jesus healed the sick, fed the hungry, and sat with outcasts. His kindness and compassion knew no bounds. “…the Son of God, who loved [us] and gave himself for [us]” (Gal 2:20). He paid the debt for our sins. Why continue carrying the debt yourself? Forgive yourself, Jesus has set you free. Something to contemplate as you go through your day, from the Gospel of John, “Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained.” (Jn 20:30) Forgive yourself and be free to love and forgive others fully.

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[1] Scripture (NABRE), Genesis 17:1, 9-10, 15-22; Matthew 8:1-4

[2] Weekday HomilyHelps. Homily Suggestion by Mary Carol Kendzia.

[3] Psychology Today, “How to Forgive Yourself and Move on From the Past” by Matt James Ph.D. Posted October 22, 2014.